How To Communicate In A Relationship
We praise communication skills when it comes to career, but often underestimate their importance when it comes to healthy communication between romantic partners. In this guide, we’ll explain some rules of effective communication, ways to develop the right communication patterns and talk about how good communication skills can solve specific problems in both regular and long-distance relationships.
How to communicate effectively in a relationship
Let’s start with some essential dos and don’ts. These are basic rules, they’re more than effective when it comes to improving communication.
Learn about communication styles—change yours if it’s not the assertive type
So, people can be passive, passive-aggressive, aggressive, or assertive in personal relationships.
- The aggressive type is about domination, blaming, and criticizing
- The passive-aggressive type is about indirect but in fact also aggressive demands
- The passive type is about hiding your opinions and feelings
- The assertive type is about respecting your needs without disrespecting a partner’s need
The communication styles don’t change in a minute, but identifying yours is a good start.
Maintain a balance between talking about yourself and about your partner
Practice active listening and tell them about your feelings, impressions, and thoughts. We hear, and we share, and that seems just a normal, obvious thing, but unfortunately, this simple rule is often ignored. That’s especially important for those who are going to find a partner online on sites like EasternHoneys, La-Date, AsiaMe, etc. Balance between sharing and listening is always the key.
Don’t overthink it
Trying to read someone’s mind and then overthinking it is one of the most common and most serious relationship communication problems. We don’t always interpret things well enough and sometimes, it makes us imagine problems that have never existed.
Accept responsibility for your own feelings
Sometimes, people start thinking a partner is responsible for everything they feel, but it isn’t exactly true. In some cases, you need to solve some of your problems yourself, so if you’re going to discuss a problem with your partner, make sure they’re the one who actually causes it.
Don’t forget about body language
Keep eye contact, smile if it’s appropriate, and show sadness if a partner’s talking about something that bothers them or makes them feel sad. Again, it sounds obvious, but one of the most common communication problems is when one of the partners thinks another is completely indifferent, especially when it comes to discussing another person’s problems. If you’re using online dating sites like Colombia Lady or UkraineBride4You, use video chat and not just a messenger—that will help you build a really deep connection.
How to communicate in a new relationship?
Note that all the above-mentioned rules work for new relationships as well, but there’s no denying that those who want to have a fulfilling relationship and just started a new one should make an extra effort to make it work. Here are some of the essential communication tips for new couples:
- Don’t move too fast. Date in a “healthy manner”—spending time together and getting to know each other better is a really enjoyable experience, but save some time for yourself and let that mystery spice up your relationship for some more time.
- Open-ended questions are the key. Talking about daily routine is a dead-end road. Ask the questions about emotions, values, all those global and important things, too.
- Don’t compare your new partner to a previous one when talking about past relationships. Discussing them is a normal thing, all couples do it at a certain stage, often at the beginning of a relationship, but you shouldn’t compare your new boyfriend or friend with your exes, and here’s another piece of advice—don’t say they were awful people, that usually makes a bad impression.
- Set your boundaries, but do it politely. Talking about what’s acceptable for you and what’s not is a must for all new couples, and it’s also important to know the partner’s point in this regard.
- Start an intimate relationship when you both feel ready, don’t put pressure on yourself or your partner. By the way, expecting intimate relationships to be amazing from the beginning is another common mistake. Just give your couple some more time.
How to communicate in a relationship: All about expressing feelings
Developing legit emotional intimacy is impossible without expressing your thoughts and emotions. Moreover, it’s impossible without knowing more about another person’s feelings. However, not all can express feelings in the right way, without hurting a partner and feeling guilty about being honest. Here are some basic tips that will help you do it:
- Try to understand the roots and nature of your emotions before expressing them
- Develop emotional intelligence, start sharing only if you truly believe it’s helpful
- Try to ask your partner first, you can effectively communicate with someone only if you also pay enough attention to their feelings
- Talk thoughtfully and gently—try to avoid blaming and criticizing, remember about your partner’s feelings, too
- Talk not only when you feel frustrated, angry, or disappointed but also when you’re feeling amorous, grateful, inspired, etc.
How to communicate if you feel lonely in a relationship?
First of all, feeling lonely in a relationship is more common than many people think. A lot of people experience this, no matter if they are in a long-distance relationship, meet their partner twice a week, or live with them, and here are some tips that work for most of them:
- Name and admit the problem.
- Try to determine the root of your problem, make sure that’s not a perfect picture of someone else’s relationship on Instagram makes you feel this way (if it does, remind yourself of how often this perfect life turns out to be a normal life, and sometimes, a complete mess behind those glamorous pictures). Note that sometimes, it also happens because of external factors, for example, career problems.
- Think if you can try to improve communication by your own effort. If you think that might work, be more romantic, get a cute gift, do something you both like, something that can give you that positive outcome. If it doesn’t help, move on to the next step.
- Once you understand what exactly can make you feel lonely, prepare for a talk with your partner. Talk about your own feelings and be ready to listen about theirs. Don’t blame or put pressure, you’re just trying to find out what went wrong for both of you.
Silent treatment doesn’t work, and this case definitely isn’t an exception. If you experience problems in your relationship and feel lonely because of it, a productive conversation can help you solve them or end this relationship and move forward.
How to communicate if there’s frustration in a relationship?
Frustration often originates from bad relationship communication, but it’s not always the case. There’s a deceptively simple scheme that can help you improve communication and get rid of it, but you should follow every single step and spend enough time thinking about the roots of the problem and trying to avoid negative emotions resulting in blaming and criticizing a partner.
- Identify a reason, is it your partner’s behavior or maybe some external reasons?
- Healthy communication about the thing that makes you feel frustrated is the key, discuss it with your partner, but focus on explanation, not on criticizing
- Listen to your partner and try to understand their point of view
- Try to focus on positive things, things you both view the same way, and compromise
Communication skills are more than just important, and like any other skills, they can be developed. If you follow these tips and rules, you can improve communication and enjoy a better, healthier relationship.